To all my friends

This may just be a copy and paste version from a message I sent on facebook of what I really feel but it came from the heart and, to me, this is what it means to have true friends.

kay, so this will be the third time I write this out for you guys. But I think it's really important and you have to know. So, I'll type it all out for the third bloody time. Kay, so Justin is now dealing drugs so he can pay his rent. And as much as I'd like to say "I don't care" that's not entirely true. At one point or another he was a good friend of mine and it's hard to just sit back and watch him make the same stupid mistakes a thousand times in a row. I found all this out on Saturday and I was really upset about it up until today. And I know you guys really didn't care for him and I'm sure you still don't, but I haven't spoken to him since just after we broke up. When we actually started talking, that's all he wanted to tell me. I was like, "I could put your ass in jail right now, yannow that?" and he was like, "oh sorry, I'm kinda baked right now" WELL NO SHIT!! Anyway, like I was saying, I came to a sudden realization today and I thought I might share it with you all.

What if I had stayed with him? That's the question.. If I had stayed with him, I would've been hard into drugs, beaten up, probably raped and treated like a material item..all just to think I'm totally cool. To tell you the truth, I have no fucking idea why I wasted so much of my time with him and not with you guys. I wasted 7 months of my life with an idiot-childlike-drug-dealer. Goodlord. Another thing that would have (or should say "wouldn't have") happened was you guys. I'm sure if I was still with him, I wouldn't have you guys and for that soul reason I'm telling you this. You all mean more than the world to me and I'm glad someone told me what they actually thought. If I was still with him, I wouldn't have Jordan who is my bestfriend (after you guys) and even more to me. I'm so happy now that I can be myself around you and that I can ask for help, appologize, tell you secrets, fears, instabilities, and stuff like that.

I'm really looking forward to having the whole gang together and I really love you guys. Thanks.

Febuary 8

Kay, so I'd like to keep everyone up to speed again..

I watched the olympic torch go by today. I realized something. It's only someone running with fire. Who cares?

I heard an amazing lecture this past Wednesday. It was about how bad plastic is for the environment. It just breaks down in the ocean. It doesn't float or sink. It's almost clear. That sounds like a terrible problem to me. I was waiting for the bus on Saturday night and the bench was covered in wrappers and it just made me mad. I'm not some sort of crazy environmentalist, but after hearing that speech, seeing all the crap that people "ever-so-carelessly" leave behind is starting to bug me. C'mon, do you have no decency? there's a garbage can right there. I cleaned it up and I'm waiting for the bus and someone just throws something out of their car. I wanted to yell. But, I know that'd be weird, so i didn't. But, the bus came and I got on, got off, was walking home and i look down.. more trash. What is this world coming to? Even when you see the exhaust in the morning, or the smoke from any huge vehicle.. imagine what that's doing to your ozone. People 19837192487 years from now will be digging, accidently stumble apon someones house and think "wow, they were complete savages. It obviously never occurred to any to keep the earth clean" Imagine what people could learn about us when they dig up our junk. Imagine if we dug up junk from 60 years ago.. What could we learn?

well, I'm still at mcdonalds.. But, since I started this blog something like a year and a half ago, I'd like to tell people what music I listen to.

I've definately grown up with my taste in music. I'm really into blues, indie, bluegrass, folk, jazz and classic rock.. all that good stuff. So, for the record, I still love the white stripes.

AC/DC, Adele, Animal Collective, Bedouin Soundclash, Bob Marley, Death Cab for Cutie, Feist, Granz Ferdinand, Hot Hot Heat, Jamie T, Jimi Hendrix, Kiss, Led Zeppelin, Lily Allen, Lykke Li, MIA, Matisyahu, Menahan Street Band, Metric, MGMT, NERD, Neil Young, No doubt, Passion Pit, Pink Floyd, The Raconteurs, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rolling Stones, Santogold, The STrokes, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Sublime, Sufjan Steven, The Beastie Boys, The beatles, The Dead Weather, The Decemberists, The New Pornographers, 10cc, Mother Mother, Said the Whale, The Doobie Brothers, The Eagles, The Kills, The Mars Volta, The police, The Sadies, The White Stripes, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, The Who, The Shins, TV on the Radio. U2, Vampire Weekend, VanMorrison, VanHalen, Steppenwolf, The Ting Tings, La Roux, The Fratellis, Kid Rock, and so on..

I'm into art. ALOT. If I could do nothing but art for a week, I'd totally take the opportunity.

I have no conclusion for today, I'm just writing because I can.

January 26 Stop what you're doing and think again..

Lately, i've been more busy than you can possibly imagine.

Even the thought of the next days of the week tires me out. I've been trying so hard to get all my crap together and it's finally done.. only in time to do cast makeup for the big school production, "pack of lies". It's a 2 hour long play and i admire the people in it for their skill, time management, and perserverance. i had signed up to do makeup in October, but now that the time's finally come, i don't think I have the time. well, I know that i can make it, and let's just say that for the next week, I won't be bored at all.

Right now, I have my regular, 6 hour-a-day, classes, homework on top of that, a job at mcdonalds, mexico missions trip, and the play. It doesn't seem like alot. But I'm committed to them all and it's hard to keep track. It's been a long month, and it seems like people can't stop yelling at me. They don't really know what's going on right now with me, and it seems they don't want to hear any sort of explanation, even if it IS valid. Yesterday, I worked and I told my friend Kevin why I was having such a great day. It was because no one had yelled at me. I mean, it's hard to keep everything up to speed especially when you have no time in the evening to yourself. tonight's the first night that that's happened. Even my birthday was busy. So much for sweet 16. It's really no different except for the fact that your life becomes a spiralling pit of unceasing business. My Oma and aunts and uncles forgot my birthday, as did my sister. Today, they sent me a message on facebook explaining how they were sorry they didn't remember and then subliminally expecting me to accept some sort of peace offerring they call a birthday gift.

I spent a weekend in the "slums" two weeks ago. we were allowed to keep the clothes on our backs, a blanket, and two personal items. we lived in teams and ours decided that one of our items was to be useful for the whole team and the other item was for our own personal use. It was really hard, but you grow closer to eachother without even noticing. By the way, this was a weekend "retreat" for the mexico missions team. Friday, we arrived at the church. We didn't know what to expect, so we were all luxuriously packed and ready for a relaxing weekend with friends and preparing for our trip. Suddenly, we were shocked with the truth. We were to build a slum out of cardboard, duct tape, string and a table cloth. We were not to use any electricity at all and if we wanted water, we had to go outside and use the hose. Every meal, we ate mashed lentils and curry over rice, except for on saturday when we had beans and a thick porridge. Saturday came and all night, no one had slept. It was hard ground and we were all scared of the next day. Not to mention, it was also only 3 degrees inside. It was terribly cold. 6:30am came and we all raced downstairs and ate our warm lentils and rice infront of a heater. Quickly, everyone helped to clean up the food and we were out the door and on our way to Vancouver. Not to go people watching, but instead to run a childrens program. We came back to the church around 2pm and were allowed free time. Us, girls, decided to rebuild our slum fort and take a nap while it was still light. The guys, being guys of coarse, wouldn't let us sleep, but instead decided it would be fun to run around in their underwear and yell and bang on our door. Sooner or Later, it got really annoying and someone told the overall leader what they were doing. She took the shirts off their back and couldn't have them back until about 10. At ten, everyone went to bed. we were all so tired and not thinking straight at all. But, one of the guys noticed "hey, we have 10 hours to sleep. That's way too much" and, he was right. At 2am, someone came upstairs only to wake us up to a blazing siren and a megaphone. He was yelling, "this is the police. i wanna know who's in charge right now. The rest of you head downstairs now. go. go. go!" I thought it was real and had no clothes on because they were really itchy because of all the sweating we had done earlier that day. I just grabbed the blanket and ran. I got downstairs and I'm saying to myself, "this is real. I've got to get out of here." Eventually, everyone came downstairs and I asked, "am I going to need clothes for this?" everyone laughed because I always say stupid things when I'm tired. On Sunday, we got together with a group of people funding us to go and we weren't allowed to eat anything. At the end, we went home and 3 of the guys: steve, jordan, michael and I decided to go for pizza. I felt guilty eating this middle class food.

Now, it's affected my daily life. I hang with different people, I'm careful of the heat and lights in my house, what i eat is different and I have a totally new appreciation for food.

Before I had left for the weekend retreat, I was complaining about how my socks were old. While I was gone, my mom bought me new socks. When I came home, I looked through my "old socks" and had a new appreciation for them. I didn't throw any of them away, but rather put the new socks in my closet where I don't have to see them. I haven't looked at them since.

So, I'm telling you. That was a weekend, imagine a lifetime. Chill out. We don't really know what we have. We have toothpaste. we have doctors, we have dentists, we have education, we have a fair government, we have a wealthy country. People in 3rd world countries don't consider school a job, or mcdonald's a real job, or enjoying themselves in a play, or spending time bonding with people. Those aren't jobs, they either happen without any effort, or they are a privillage.

So, think again.

January 2?

I've lost track of the days, but i can tell you that i remember newyears eve. What a night. The parents went out with their friends to the bar, Leah stayed home with Jake, Maaike hung out with good friends. So, Jenessa, the friend from alberta, came to visit us for the new year. It was the red-haired trio, which consists of Maaike, Jenessa, Brianne. Later on, Brianne's boyfriend shows up. He's a nice guy so we don't mind that he's there. Then, later on, Peter and Bethany come and join us after their new years church service. We chilled as if it were normal even though we had a special guest in our presence. It was good. Just like old times but with a bit of a twist because our little Brianne is growing up. At about 10, we decided "hey, let's go get a bite to eat". So, we walked over to the mcdonald's in walmart but it was closed. "ahh, whatever, there's a Timmy's across the street" we said. So, we're walking and come across a shopping cart. However, we're all hyped up and not thinking straight, as always. We jump in the cart and ride down the hill. The faces of the people in walmart were absolutely stunned. It was good times though. So, we get to timmy's. and no one has money so we're digging around and manage to find enough for a coffee. So, the six of us split a large coffee and were, once again, on the journey home. So, we get home and Jenessa and i eat a box of alphabits without telling brianne (it's her house afterall). She didn't really care. But she didn't even know 'til we threw them at her. That was pretty messy. We had been teasing the couple to kiss all night. We didn't think they would. But as soon as the ball dropped in the Big Apple, well, you know what happened. : ] It made my heart happy. As well as a longing for what I'd never really had. "SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE MY SHOES ARE!!@!@#" *a pause* "AHHH, WHATEVER, WE'RE GOING WITHOUT SHOES." My foot was bleeding fountains and i hadn't even noticed. oh well. we made sure to wish all the neighbors another hell filled party year and went back inside. People left after an hour or so and the tri, once again, remained. I had to work at noon and i made a point that we had to be out by four. We were and I even had time to come home, shower, get ready for work and get there with 20 minutes still remaining. Everything worked out pretty good.

Christmas time was also excellent. The computer died for almost all of the break so we HAD to talk to eachother. Not a problem with me, but you know how my mom gets. ahahaha. i enjoyed the company of family on christmas eve. But, christmas day.. that's another story. As a tradition, we always celebrate on christmas eve, which leave christmas with all of the cleaning. Well, we finished cleaning after church and we were on our way to the house of some long time family friends. After playing an old-school card runescape-like game for quite a while, we figured we'd better get going. Everyone loved their gifts and I enjoyed getting the gifts. My friend, corrie, and I did all of our shopping at value village.

on the 28th, my sister, my dad, other family friends of ours, and I went up to the mountain and put in a long day of snowboarding. that was a good day. it passed so fast, i don't really have much to say about it.

well, yesternight, the family went for dinner at "charlie don't surf" in whiterock. An excellent restaurant. The waiter looked like mr.tumnus from Narnia but he was pretty cool. after that, i was totally shot and just wanted to go to bed. HOpefully, one day soon I'll have a few more pictures up.

well HAPPY NEWYEAR EVERYONE. 2010 IS FINALLY HERE.

Oh, and by the way, I think that's a pretty good looking family of 5. : }

December 3

So, I'ma do a shout-out right now for my girl Bethy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABE! MANY MORE!

Okay. So, Travis Katzel is the kewlest and krewlest guy I know. He's one of those guys that's kind of like... rat fink. Totally disgusting and repulsive, but uber cool and stuff. So, there's my part that I promised, my friend, Travis Katzegagalow> ; ldksajflka sjdl. : D

So, Today, what happened? Oh, yes, grandparents day. This is never really a fun day for me, since my grandparents live far away. But, every year, I seem to be excused from class anyway. I always find someone's grandma to addopt. This year it was my friend's grandma. Thanks for addopting me mrs.VE. : D

Ed "big daddy" roth was a pure genious. I'm not even into cars really.. But, I think he would've been an awesome guy to hang out with. Yesterday evening, I just wanted to listen to the sadies and their music video to "The Horseshoe" has alot to do with rat fink. So, as I keep browsing, I came across an awesome movie called "tales of the rat fink". Like I said, I don't even like cars.

Ever since I got a job, I'm always looking at clothes. It doesn't even matter if I like them or not. I love having something new to wear. And, although I never spend more than 25 bucks on anything (except jeans and sometimes shoes) I'm drowning in all my clothes. They took over my room and expanded into the hall, bathroom, sister's room, mom's room, laundry room, you name it. So, I've decided to do all the laundry, wear my sister's clothes 'til it's all done and then see how much I really have. The messiness factor could be huge. But, for now, the bedroom is cleaned.

I don't have a clue where to put my clothes. I'm also swarmed with tacky colourful things and cool little objects.

December 2

So, If everyone was a vegetarian, the world would be totally overrun with animals. I don't mean to be preachy, but, if "in the beginning, God made animals. two of every kind" Why do humans have to distort that and only like meat? Animals are here to enjoy, not to kill, not to eat. What's this world coming to? And what's this sick species "homosapiens" also refered to as the "human-being"? everyday, millions of animals are being slaughtered for no good reason other than that people think "double cheese-burger tastes good". DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE REALLY EATING? The animals are so unhealthy. They live in crowded, unsanitary, diseased places. Not only that but they're fed hormones so they'll grow faster and multiply at an alarming rate. See, if there were only 2 healthy chickens, 2 healthy cows, 2 pigs, zebras, elephants, lizards, etc, and 2 healthy people, how is everything so messed up now? Everyday, 3,400 people are diagnosed with cancer and 1500 of people with cancer die everyday. That's only cancer. And, you know how we got cancer? Neither do i. But, I do know that we're doing something wrong in the way we treat animals. It's not just about cows, pigs, chickens, zebras, elephants, whatever. It's bad for you. It's like eating fake cheese. Does an organic cow taste any different than a hormonally adjusted cow? I don't know.. But, i'd think so. The cost is different. But, at least the cow was happy at one time or another. If we were to all become vegetarians, the meat processing companies would all fail and we'd have another economy lock-down. Cows will still never be the same as they were when they were created. Neither will the meat engorging homosapiens.

December 1

So, I've decided today was the first REAL day of winter. The first day when you can see the frost cover you lawn of moss. The first day you really need to wear mittens but forget them laying on your floor. Today, is also the first day of December. Which brings me to a few points. one, Bethany's birthday in 3, 2 Christmas and Jenessa's birthday, 3, new years, 4 my birthday. It's my birthday in 42 days. I'm excited for christmas, birthdays, presents, newyears and all of that, BUT I'm exuberant about my birthday. It's a hard thing to ignore. The thing is, I have 42 days to decide what I want to do for my 16th birthday. I have no reasonable ideas.

So, before I hit the shower, i'd like to remind myself how corrupt the world is and why it wouldn't work for a thousand years if everyone was a vegetarian.

Goodnight again,